A Core Desire

Sitting on a shelf in my room is a book entitled 8 Essentials for Living a Life of Significance. I bought this book a long time ago and while I've never read it, it is one more piece of evidence that supports my new found theory. I think that my core desire is that of being significant. Before I go on this long spiel about significance I'd like to explain what I mean by the word: an important member of the group that is desired, wanted, needed. There, now I can go on. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about why I act the way I act, and reflecting on the last nineteen years of my life. Especially high school. I thought about the goals I set for myself, the way I talk, what I do with my time and it all fits. Whether in friendships, school, church or family- I strive to be a significant member with all I am involved in.

So after realizing this about myself, I tried to figure out what I could learn from this. Here goes:

Significance cannot come from the things of this earth. Placing your significance in your achievements or abilities only leads to puffed up pride and dissatisfaction when these things fail to bring you true significance. Or when they stop being significant to others. And they eventually will. Plus it's idolatry. God has blessed me with a good amount of achievements and natural abilities but looking back, making use of them for the selfish reason of gaining significance for myself never brought any lasting sense of peace or joy. It only ended up in complacency or eventual restlessness.

So now that I'm aware of this immense longing I'm going to do my best to constantly and consciously turn to my position in Christ, as a redeemed sinner part of His family to find fulfillment. This is where my true significance lies. I am a child of God - I even get an inheritance.

What have you been searching for? Have you been looking towards the wrong thing for significance in your life? Reflect on your life and see if you can find a core desire that stands out.

"See what kind of love the father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are."
- I John 3:1a (ESV)

"The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs - heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him."
- Romans 8:16-17 (ESV)

The Eldest Son

An ironic title for this post, as in reality I'm the youngest of three...

Today in Foundations Class at church we delved into the second week of an overview of the book Prodigal God: Recovering the Heart of the Christian Faith by Timothy Keller - if you haven't read the book I definitely recommend it. It's been about two months since I read the book, but as we went through the topic of the eldest son I slowly began to remember the convicting messages of entitlement, selfishness and selfish motivations, pride, and self righteousness. I am such an elder brother. I can't really think of a time when I've done something only to selflessly benefit another. I always see the angle at how it could make me look good, gain favor, please this person, etc. I constantly have to battle to check what makes me do the things I do, and whether I'm striving to please God or to look good.

So back to the class. As I sat there listening to others talk about performance and the importance the Eldest Brother ascribes to it, it hit me that the reason the Eldest Son does so is that he himself is a performer. Everything he does is to keep the facade of righteousness - the illusion that he doesn't need God - intact. Instead of sinning through commission he sins through omission. And he does all the right things, but if you were to look at the reasons or heart behind the actions you would see a different truth. The truth that the Eldest brother is just as selfish as the Youngest, but cares about looking good - He's a people pleaser of sorts. This is me. Or me without God.

Thankfully I have God, who just like the father in the story puts up with my embarrassing pride, patiently waits for my repentance, and tenderly offers me his loving arms when I do. I have a truly prodigal God.

"But he was angry and refused to go in. His father came out and entreated him,"
- Luke 15:28 (ESV)

An Answer to Prayer

I'm so excited right now! I've been praying to God these past few weeks/months for Him to weigh my heart down with a particular passage of scripture. I feel that God is moving in my heart bringing out different passions and desires and I was looking for an encouraging word of scripture that could help affirm what I was feeling. Well, lately part of my reading time has consisted of me hopping around the Psalms reading old favorites and other much less familiar ones. And each time I would do this I would think about Psalm 119, but wouldn't want to start it as it's so long and whenever people hear its name they just groan. But today, I took the plunge and began to go through it... and it's just what I'd been praying for. If only I'd known that voice in the back of my head to read "the long one" had been God's gentle nudging.

Here is the part that really hit home the most from the 50 verses or so that I've tackled so far,

"How can a young man keep his way pure?
By guarding it according to your word.
With my whole heart I seek you;
let me not wander from your commandments!
I have stored up your word in my heart,
that I might not sin against you.
Blessed are you, O Lord;
teach me your statutes!
With my lips I declare
all the rules of your mouth.
In the way of your testimonies I delight
as much as in all riches.
I will meditate on your precepts
and fix my eyes on your ways.
I will delight in your statutes;
I will not forget your word.
Deal bountifully with your servant,
that I may live and keep your word.
Open my eyes, that I may behold
wondrous things out of your law.
I am a sojourner on the earth;
hide not your commandments from me!"
Psalm 119: 9-19 (ESV)

The first two lines, verse 9, really jumped out and from there the passage continued to cry out to me. I felt like my heart and desires of what it is to be a person of God are right there. This is my prayer to God of who I want to be, as well as God speaking right back to me. These are my desires, or the desires I yearn for God to burden heavily on my heart. One sin I continuously have in my heart is that of underestimating God. This passage just shows how he can blow away your desires with something way better - better than what we flawed people could ever imagine. I love every time God does this. I only really got to verse 41, so I'll post more later when I've gotten farther in. And probably more on this passage, but sleeps is awaiting.

A Taste of Heaven

This weekend friends who I worked with at Camp two years ago came back to Illinois to celebrate the wedding of Kayla and Josh, two fellow colleagues and friends. Many stayed at my home for the weekend, and we had another of what we've come to call, "tastes of heaven." Christian friends coming from South Dakota, Florida, Indiana and Illinois were again able to fellowship together and praise Him for three short days. Then they left to go back home and once again we were separated by hundreds of miles. It was back to missing these beloved friends, sisters and brothers in Christ.

Sometimes it's hard to make people understand how dear these friends really are. Only having spent one summer together, I see the looks in peoples eyes as I describe the deep meaningful relationships that have formed and lasted from that summer at Camp Good News two years ago. But what they fail to realize is the power of the Holy Spirit to bond Christians together to further His kingdom. When Christians work together, diligently striving to glorify God's name, cool stuff happens. As Satan attacks the group again and again, God's love is shown to you through one person's servant heart, an others kind and uplifting note, etc. Together you become dependent on God's goodness to get through the day and not your own strength. It is these people who I miss.

And then today I realized that others will soon be added to this group of dear Christian brothers and sisters whose physical and spiritual presence I so miss. I'll soon be separated from those few close friends who together have striven to build up God's kingdom through Youth Group, bible studies, outreach ministries, as well as keeping each other accountable and focused on Christ. We've suffered through Satan's numerous attacks, and grown together in our realization of how great our God truly is.

As I head off to college, and these friends stay in town, hundreds of miles will separate me from even more of those who I've come to love in Christ. In a new town, a new school, and a new church, God is giving me an opportunity to discover and form Christian bonds with new citizens of His divine kingdom. This is the exciting part of my upcoming adventure. I get to meet new people who God called to be His workers. I get to build up His kingdom with new unique creations of God. I'm excited for this.

I'm also excited for heaven. Every time I get together with my friends from camp we realize that we're getting a little taste of heaven. Fellow believers from all over the world will get to fellowship and praise God for all eternity. What an amazing time that will be! And so I look towards heaven, when all my believing friends, those from both camp and home, and I - along with those we don't yet know - will get to celebrate God's grace together for all eternity.