A Core Desire

Sitting on a shelf in my room is a book entitled 8 Essentials for Living a Life of Significance. I bought this book a long time ago and while I've never read it, it is one more piece of evidence that supports my new found theory. I think that my core desire is that of being significant. Before I go on this long spiel about significance I'd like to explain what I mean by the word: an important member of the group that is desired, wanted, needed. There, now I can go on. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about why I act the way I act, and reflecting on the last nineteen years of my life. Especially high school. I thought about the goals I set for myself, the way I talk, what I do with my time and it all fits. Whether in friendships, school, church or family- I strive to be a significant member with all I am involved in.

So after realizing this about myself, I tried to figure out what I could learn from this. Here goes:

Significance cannot come from the things of this earth. Placing your significance in your achievements or abilities only leads to puffed up pride and dissatisfaction when these things fail to bring you true significance. Or when they stop being significant to others. And they eventually will. Plus it's idolatry. God has blessed me with a good amount of achievements and natural abilities but looking back, making use of them for the selfish reason of gaining significance for myself never brought any lasting sense of peace or joy. It only ended up in complacency or eventual restlessness.

So now that I'm aware of this immense longing I'm going to do my best to constantly and consciously turn to my position in Christ, as a redeemed sinner part of His family to find fulfillment. This is where my true significance lies. I am a child of God - I even get an inheritance.

What have you been searching for? Have you been looking towards the wrong thing for significance in your life? Reflect on your life and see if you can find a core desire that stands out.

"See what kind of love the father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are."
- I John 3:1a (ESV)

"The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs - heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him."
- Romans 8:16-17 (ESV)

The Eldest Son

An ironic title for this post, as in reality I'm the youngest of three...

Today in Foundations Class at church we delved into the second week of an overview of the book Prodigal God: Recovering the Heart of the Christian Faith by Timothy Keller - if you haven't read the book I definitely recommend it. It's been about two months since I read the book, but as we went through the topic of the eldest son I slowly began to remember the convicting messages of entitlement, selfishness and selfish motivations, pride, and self righteousness. I am such an elder brother. I can't really think of a time when I've done something only to selflessly benefit another. I always see the angle at how it could make me look good, gain favor, please this person, etc. I constantly have to battle to check what makes me do the things I do, and whether I'm striving to please God or to look good.

So back to the class. As I sat there listening to others talk about performance and the importance the Eldest Brother ascribes to it, it hit me that the reason the Eldest Son does so is that he himself is a performer. Everything he does is to keep the facade of righteousness - the illusion that he doesn't need God - intact. Instead of sinning through commission he sins through omission. And he does all the right things, but if you were to look at the reasons or heart behind the actions you would see a different truth. The truth that the Eldest brother is just as selfish as the Youngest, but cares about looking good - He's a people pleaser of sorts. This is me. Or me without God.

Thankfully I have God, who just like the father in the story puts up with my embarrassing pride, patiently waits for my repentance, and tenderly offers me his loving arms when I do. I have a truly prodigal God.

"But he was angry and refused to go in. His father came out and entreated him,"
- Luke 15:28 (ESV)